FOCUS ON GOING IT ALONE
INSIGHTS FROM
THE FIELD
T
he following is a compilation
of responses to the Journal’s AFSAnet call for observations
on the subject of unaccompanied tours from those who are
having the experience today or have “gone it alone” in the
past.
— Steven Alan Honley, Editor
“HOME IS JUST ANOTHER WORD
FOR YOU”
Billy Joel was never in the Foreign Service, but he was
definitely on to something with that lyric (from his song
“You’re My Home”).
Suva is my first posting as a Foreign Service officer, so
you might wonder what qualifies me to offer advice to couples separated due to job assignments. Well, even though
I’m new to the Service, I can draw on my “past life” experience as the wife of a naval officer who was frequently
deployed for long periods.
My husband of 17 years is currently an FBI special
agent and is based in the United States because of his job.
Our two daughters are here with me in Fiji. It is a challenging situation, but we’re making it work.
Different federal agencies treat cross-agency tandem
couples and family separations very differently. Based on
my experience over the past 18 months, State is considerably more “family friendly” than the FBI’s international office. For example, I found the FSI class for “soon to be
separated” couples to be excellent, and highly recommend
it. Of course, the degree of family-friendliness depends a
lot on your management officer at post.
Many people have tried to help us solve our current
dilemma from both sides of the cross-agency divide, but
the (lack of) structure of interagency communication
causes significant roadblocks. There are no how-tos for
cross-agency tandem placements, so if you and your partner are in different agencies, develop your strategy and
make your own connections before bidding on your next
post.
Toward that end, I offer the following suggestions for
separated couples:
Communicate, communicate, communicate! Find a way
to contact your partner daily at a time that is convenient (as
much as possible) for both of you. We prefer talking on the
phone, so I use the IVG to call my husband every workday
while he wraps up the afternoon — sometimes it is nice to
just hear his voice. We usually make lists of important
items that need mutual agreement; and if one of us forgets to bring our list up during our daily chat, we e-mail the
issue(s) as soon as possible. Of course, you or your spouse
